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noun. an act of choosing between two or more possibilities.

Following my 3 day weekend being trained to coach my clients for Fulfillment in early January, we spent another intense 3 days exploring how to coach for Balance. This is where the theme of Choices emerged from.

A lot of people say they want more balance in their lives. What we usually want is to feel that we are choosing our lives, not just reacting to them. Balance coaching is a way to guide people into making powerful life choices and actively manifesting the experiences they want most. Balance coaching makes us active participants in how we experience our lives.

Balance coaching is thus designed to create flow, restore alignment, and regain control of life. When conversations focus on what we have control over and what choices are possible, we help people gain new perspectives. This training weekend gave us the tools to empower our clients to define and pursue the experiences they want most, resulting in action that is alive, effective, and empowered.

Some of the coaching tools we developed and experimented with included: making resonant choices, building new perspectives, forwarding the action, being in flow, creating self-affirmations.

Ultimately, we are our choices. Below are a few of the quotes that remind me this:

“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you”.
John Maxwell

“No matter what the situation, remind yourself, ‘ I have a choice’ “.
Deepak Chopra

“The 3 Cs of life: Choices, Chances and Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change”.
Zig Ziglar

As we unpacked the power of choice I began to make links between my CTI coaching training and some coaching training I had completed a few years ago, when I first left headship and transitioned into working independently, to become a Resilient Leaders Element consultant coach.

The RLE coaching framework which the Co-Founders Dr Jeremy Mead and Rachel McGill have co-created and shaped over a decade of people development really resonated with me when my friend Julie Rees introduced me to it. The self-assessment you do before you start your coaching relationship gives you a visual representation of how you see yourself across the 4 elements (Clarity of Direction, Awareness, Leadership Presence and Resilient Decision-Making) which are each underpinned by 3 facets. Later in the journey you also seek peer feedback and you can then compare how you see yourself to how you are seen by others.

In RLE resilient decision-making is broken down into our ability to make different decisions, in different ways, at different times:

• Creative decision-making – the ability to work outside of the usual frame of reference and take a valuable idea from concept to reality.
• Robust decision-making – combining intellectual rigour, evaluation and awareness, giving solid foundations and contingency planning.
• Versatile decision-making – creating options, responding to the needs and urgency of the situation, thinking and operating at the appropriate level.

The Impact

“Great decisions are made at the right time, with the right people, in the right place. Contingency options are always available so that the unexpected can be dealt with effectively and confidently”.

Completing my RLE accreditation during lockdown and at such a pivotal transition point in both my career and in my life, helped me anchor who I am and what I do, but it also helped me to forward the action as it gave me a framework to apply to myself and my emerging business:

• I had to be creative in my decision-making as I had to unlearn how institutionalised I was after 20 years of working in the system, I was also creating a new business from scratch and going through a rebranding process as a Leadership Development Consultant, Coach and Trainer.
• I had to be robust in my decision-making as I needed to make a living. It is scary going from financial security and job stability, when you venture into the unknown. I made the decision to take in a lodger for 6 months, just in case I did not make enough in my first few months to cover my mortgage.
• I had to be versatile in my decision-making as we unexpectedly found ourselves in a global pandemic and were thrown into working remotely. For many of my peers this was a major challenge as they had to flip their offer into a virtual one, I started my business at this time so embraced this new way of working and established it as the norm.

I spent a focused 6 months building my business and crafting my training and coaching offer for my network. I didn’t expect, nor intend, to be repeating this process 6 months later. But in the wake of George Floyd’s murder and the social justice activism my network made requests of me around formalising Diverse Educators and increasing our support/ training offer for schools.

My creative decision-making kicked in as we created a second website, my versatile decision-making was activated as I flexed my offer, and my robust decision-making grounded me as I sought partners to fund some of this collective project as I had invested what savings I had in the earlier process. So I made a choice to have two websites, two newsletters and two sides to my offer.

Although my work in leadership, coaching and training is clearly aligned and crosses over to the diversity, equity and inclusion community I am growing, I needed to separate the individual versus the collective offer.

Throughout this career and life transition, I was coached and supported by those around me. We regularly talked out the power of saying Yes and the power of saying No. I reflected on who and what I was saying Yes and No to as I realigned my purpose and streamlined my passion into working independently. This quote by Paulo Coelho is one of my favourites and one I regularly use in coaching and training sessions.

I use it whenever I fall into the dilemma of wanting to choose to say Yes to every opportunity that comes to me as so much is resonant and vision/ mission/ values-aligned, but I need to remind myself that each choice is active and each time I say Yes to someone else I am saying No to myself. I need to consistently make choices about Who I Am, alongside the What I Do.

noun. authority or power given to someone to do something; the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.

To empower. To be self-empowered. To empower others.

Your Strength

For me self-empowerment is rooted in our inner strength. The strength we have at our core – our inner reserves of resilience propel us forwards.

Being self-empowered is also about being self-sufficient and having self-efficacy.

It is self-empowering to face challenges head on, to rise to the challenge.

“A strong woman looks a challenge in the eye and gives it a wink”.
Gina Carey

It is also self-empowering to reflect on everything we have overcome. Our journeys, our struggles make us stronger.

I feel self-empowered when I reflect on the battles I have won, the obstacles I have navigated and the barriers I have climbed over.

“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself”.
Hannah Gadsby

Self-empowerment is also about our abilities to rebuild ourselves when things go wrong.

There is no such thing as winning and losing. Failure is not a choice.

Mistakes makes us stronger and are opportunities to learn and grow.

Your Confidence

Self-empowerment is fuelled by our confidence.

Confidence in our own abilities, confidence in ourselves means that we hold onto our power and we do not give it away.

It is an act of self-empowerment to be ourselves, to be authentic.

It is self-empowering to know our own worth, to acknowledge the impact we have, to appreciate the value we add.

“Noone can make your feel inferior without your consent”.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Small things can make a big difference to how self-empowered we feel.

Saying No is an act of self-empowerment.

Saying ‘Thank you for waiting for me’ instead of ‘Sorry I was late’ is a self-empowering reframe.

Saying who we are with pride, rather than the self-deprecating “I am just a…” expands us rather than diminishes us.

Accepting compliments and basking in praise, empowers us to be seen and to be honoured.

Your Courage

Being yourself is an act of courage. Being yourself is about owning your own power.

To reach the courage to be our full selves, we need to overcome the fear of being judged and of being criticised.

I was once told to reframe criticism as praise and this helped me to be self-empowered from the feedback.

When we are driven by the conviction of our values, when we are purposeful in our pursuit of our mission, when we are bringing our vision to life, the fear soon dissipates.

“You must never be fearful of what you are doing when it is right”.
Rosa Parks

Conviction in who we are, in what we do, in why we do it, reminds us, strengthens us and empowers us.

Self-empowerment becomes intuitive and instinctive when we listen to our gut.

A daily mantra, affirming who we are at our best sets us up for the day:

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think”.

Repeating our intent, out loud to ourselves in the shower, or whilst looking at ourselves in the mirror will deepen our sense of self-empowerment.

Reminding ourselves who we are, what we stand for, what we bring, whilst standing in the power pose will also turbo charge our sense of self-empowerment.

Your Narrative

Being self-empowered also means owning our stories.

We need to take control of our own narratives. If we do not do this then someone else will!

Life will throw stuff at us to test us. Each challenge will wound us, but it is our choice how long we let that pain linger for.

It is our choice if we let each challenge stop us, slow us down, or of we use it to empower us to carry on.

“She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her”.

Our scars tell the story of the battles we have fought to get to where we are.

Self-empowerment is sharing the journey as well as the destination.

Your Tribe

I am self-empowered but I am also empowered by others.

I have a team of supporters, champions and cheerleaders who hold me high.

Our network gives us strength.

“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women, who have her back”.

Our tribe hold the mirror up to remind us who we are.

Our tribe shine a light on us to amplify our achievements.

Our tribe celebrates our wins and our learning points.

Our tribe stands with us and gives us that leg up or that helping hand when we need it.

“We rise and shine by lifting others”.

Self-empowerment walks along side empowerment.

Empowering others is as rewarding as empowering ourselves.

Be the girl, be the woman, who gives others a hand.

Mentor, coach and sponsor.

Build others up, don’t break them down.

“Girls compete, women empower”.

I have worked with people who have seen competition as a threat and it has brought out the worst in them.

Competition makes us better, there is room for us all to flourish, for us all to rise.

Your Life

Life is too short to wait.

Take opportunities as they come to you – say Yes and work it out later.

Do what feels right and seek forgiveness after, rather than permission before.

“The question isn’t who is going to let me: it’s who is going to stop me”.
Ayn Rand

Be empowered to be yourself.

“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants”.
Coco Chanel

Empower others to be themselves too.

I have always been tall. Well above average in height shall we say. I come from ‘good stock’ it has often been said by family friends who are farmers – Dad is 6ft 1 and my Mum’s aunt is also 6ft too, so we have height on both sides of the family. But I am not just tall for a human – I am really tall for a woman. I tower over my female friends and some of my male friends too.

I can remember having friends who were taller than me at primary school and in Key Stage 3. I think I stopped growing around Year 9. My body hit pause, I was tall, but not exceptionally tall at this stage. Then something happened in Year 10. I shot up a few more inches. I became huge. A giant.

Being 6ft 1 when you are 14/15 and growing up in the 1990s in North Devon was hard when it came to clothes. I can remember the pain of clothes shopping as a teenager.

My younger sister, by 18 months, is a couple of inches shorter than me, and we have very different body shapes. I have always been curvy, carried a few extra pounds and am all leg (36 inches is my inside leg measurement!) whereas Pip is sportier in her physique and has a long back/ shorter legs. It meant that sharing clothes couldn’t really happen either. Saturday shopping trips for jeans or black trousers would often lead to arguments and tears.

My Mum is above average height at 5ft6 but she looks like a midget standing next to Dad, my sister and I. We often get comments when we are all together about how she gave birth to such giants. The human body is an amazing thing! My sister married someone taller than Dad so her family are all very leggy too and her teenager kids will soon tower over all of us. We definitely make an impact when we are all together, as you can’t really miss us as a family unit!

My height has helped me in my sports teams, I played netball, hockey and tennis for various teams at school, college, locally and then for university, often playing up a year due to my physical size. No, I don’t play basketball – a question I get asked a lot… So, my relationship with my height has been very much part of my relationship with myself, my friends, my partners and my career. After all I don’t know any different, there are some characteristics about our identity which we cannot change and whilst my weight has fluctuated, my hair colour has changed and my dress sense has evolved, my height has been a constant!

But how has my height shaped me as a leader?

I think I have probably taken my height for granted in many ways. Physically I know that I am very present. I am always visible – you can’t really hide when you are this height! I trained in tricky single sex boys’ schools and have always handled myself in busy corridors, playgrounds and have been known to separate many a fight. To be fair I just need to stand up as one of my behaviour management strategies. I know I have not had to work as hard as some of my smaller peers to establish myself, although I have also seen very tall men who are gentle giants who I have had to train and coach to be more present physically, to own their space so it is not always a given that if you are taller behaviour management is easier.

I was promoted early on in my career to Head of Year and I then became a Pastoral Middle Leader (the only female). I moved quickly onto SLT (I have served as the sole female on several male heavy leadership teams). I know my physique and my height, along with my loud voice and my confidence, have empowered me to hold my own. They have been an advantage in my career and perhaps, on reflection, I have experienced less bias than my petiter female friends, as a consequence. I think sometimes my male colleagues forget I am a woman in fact, as I can hold my own with the banter and handle myself with the jostling.

Being tall, leads to different choices about dress code too. I own heels, but I don’t need to wear heels. I used to wear them, and as my corridor stomp is well-known – colleagues and children would hear me before they could see me! But as I have been promoted, my work uniform has evolved and usually consists of a smartish dress with flat daps/ ballet shoes so I don’t suffer with sore feet, and so I can run around schools all day – as a school leader I was usually seen chasing a runaway down a corridor or up a stair case! When I worked under men who were shorter than me, I consciously wore flat shoes so as not to overpower them. They didn’t know this, but it was out of respect as I knew they had an invisible chip on their shoulders about their height. However, if they pissed me off, the next day I would come in wearing heels as symbolic gesture! I can remember at my second school I had a friend who had the same stature as me, our Headteacher was a small irritating man. The two of us were a tag team and would walk a corridor either side of him, hemming him in, if we needed to challenge anything.

So, my height has served me well as a leader, it has empowered me to be visible, to be present and to manage behaviour. Moreover, it has enabled me to hold my own as a woman in a male heavy space. Being tall has served my professional life well as it makes teaching and leading easier, whereas in my personal life it has been more problematic, but that’s a different story!

Some days I do feel like Gulliver in Lilliput. Travelling to Singapore in my 20s with a university friend, I felt like I was in a circus freak show. And, really, I should be rich for the number of times I have been asked “what’s the weather like up there?” Most of the time I can laugh it off, and after a few drinks in a bar if I get a “big lass” comment they usually get a retort along the lines of “rude git”. It is in those moments where you catch your reflection when you are standing next to a smaller colleague or you see a group picture and you are towering above everyone else that remind you that you stand out. It could make me self-conscious, and perhaps it did when I was younger, but I have worked through that and accepted myself for who I am.

I would say that my relationship with my weight has been less positive. Being tall and carrying weight is a double whammy. At school as a child I was bullied by a group of bitchy girls who called me BFG (“Big F***ing Ginger”) and the worse thing I have been called by a kid is a “Fat Bitch”. Although I think my retort at the time was: “whilst I might be fat, I am far from a bitch!” It has taken me longer to find peace with my body shape, my curves, and my weight. I don’t think my weight has impacted my leadership though. It is just who I am, I am comfortable in my skin and I have a strong sense of self. As a teacher and as a leader I have supported a lot of students struggling with their self-identity and their body image. I know I was lucky to have a strong family support network, so my self-esteem and self-confidence have always been high.

As for my hair colour, we were ginger when we were growing up, so my sister and I were on the receiving end of all of the schoolyard taunts. My sister fared it worse than me as she has curly hair too. The jibes cut her a lot deeper than they did me. I have always had thicker skin than her, and in defending her, I learnt to accept myself, I think.

When I went to university, I started to dye my hair and lost the ginger hues, and as I have aged, my hair has become naturally darker. Women don’t tend to comment on other women’s hair colour but some of the male leaders I have worked with, especially those who were threatened by me, did make comments about me being a feisty redhead, so I guess I have had to navigate some of the stereotypes that come with that too. I can remember watching an episode of Graham Norton and he had a couch of stunning redheads on it, and Julianne Moore shared her fascination with the British slurs for being a ‘ginga’ whereas in the US redheads are seen as being exotic. An interesting change in lens on what we value about differences in how we look.

Personal identity is interwoven with professional identity. Our leadership self is a fusion of how we look and how we behave, with what we know and what we create. Being myself, being authentic – being a tall, curvy, ginger – is who I am. I accept that, I own that, I am proud of that.

Authenticity is about presence, living in the moment with conviction and confidence and staying true to yourself. Authentic is defined as: “not false or copied; genuine; real” and can also be described as “representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.”

Authenticity is something I think, talk, read and listen about a lot. It is a word I mull over and explore. I have blogged about it, spoken about it at events and built it into training I have designed and led.

I don’t know what my parents put in my porridge when I was growing up but since I was a teen I have been stubbornly authentic. I describe myself as Marmite, I don’t evoke neutral responses, you either love me or you hate me, and I am fine with that.

There is a distinction between being liked and being respected at work, I care about being respected for my personal and professional integrity, I don’t need to be liked by others for my own sense of self-worth as I like myself. I am self-assured about my own worth. I self-validate who I am.

I am conscious that others do not have the self-confidence and high self-esteem that I have and that they want to work on it and nurture it. I am also acutely self-aware that confidence can be interpreted as arrogance if it becomes too amplified. It is a fine balancing act between being confident, being humble and being true to yourself.

A thought leader you cannot avoid when you are reading about what it means to live an authentic life and what it means to be your authentic self is the brilliant Brene Brown:

“To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect – and vulnerable. We have to believe that we are fundamentally worth of love and acceptance, just as we are. I’ve learned that there is no better way to invite grace, gratitude and joy into our lives than by mindfully practising authenticity”.
Brene Brown

This quote is so rich and dense with our values I am going to unpack each one she mentions, ironically we have already explored a lot of them as part of our #DailyWritingChallenge values journey over the last 7 weeks as we use the social isolation time to look inwards:

• Courage: being yourself means digging deep and revealing the real you, your whole self and not being a chameleon who transforms into the person other people want or expect to see.
• Perfection: once we recognise and accept that we are all flawed, we can stop comparing ourselves and we can manage our inner critic, slowly turning the volume down on the negative self-talk.
• Vulnerability: removing the mask, exposing our hearts and souls, lets others see the real us, our core, this can feel scary but it is also very empowering.
• Self-belief: our confidence is worn on the outside, our self-esteem is how we feel on the inside, we need to have the conviction to believe in our skills, qualities and strengths, we need to know the value that we can bring.
• Self-love: we all want to be loved, but we need to first seek that love from within, rather from outside, if you love yourself, including the imperfections, then the wall comes down to welcome others to do the same.
• Acceptance: the word tolerance is used a lot these days, but no-one wants to be tolerated, as there is a sense of people having to put up with something or someone, we all seek a sense of belonging, we all want to be seen and heard, we all need to be accepted.
• Grace: this is the one I grapple with in this context, I don’t see myself as being physically graceful, I think this is because I am tall/ big, and have always been teased for being clumsy, but my actions and attitude can be graceful, I can honour myself and others.
• Gratitude: we have lots to be grateful for and we can often forget this, we can appreciate the external things, the material goods, but we also need to practise being grateful for the things that are intangible, the qualities we have nurtured over time, the the things that make us unique.
• Joy: our personal fulfilment, our sense of satisfaction and our joy in being alive, in being ourselves, is amplified when we are comfortable in our own skin and we surround ourselves with people who celebrate our authentic selves.
• Mindfulness: being mindful is another quality I am nurturing, I am empathetic and compassionate to others, I am emotionally intelligent, yet I am candid, direct and can be harsh with my words as I give feedback at times, I am practising how to be mindful in how I gift advice.

I think the verb choice is important in this quote: to cultivate, to believe, to learn, to invite, to practise. Each of these behaviours and actions are conscious and intentional, they are about transformation over time.

In my peer support coaching circles over the last 7 weeks we have talked a lot about things we are consciously embracing, things we are intentionally letting go of, we have focused time and attention on nourishing ourselves through daily practices that serve us.

One such daily ritual that I recommend is the self-empowerment from the practice of Daily Affirmations.

Affirmations are a powerful way to improve your mindset on a daily basis, and research on The Psychology of Change: Self-Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention has shown that they can increase our feelings of self-worth. Affirmations are positive reminders or statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself or others. Often it’s a lot easier to affirm others than it is ourselves, but we need to remember to encourage ourselves as well.

Here is an example of an affirmation you could say with conviction to yourself each morning in the mirror until you believe it. It is the verbal Power Pose to shape your mindset of how you feel about yourself:

I give myself permission to do what is right for me.

I allow myself to be who I am without judgment.

I give myself space to grow and learn.

I listen to my intuition and trust my inner guide.

I trust that I am on the right path.

Being your authentic self is liberating and empowering. I highly recommend it as your time and energy can then be invested as a resource to serve your purpose.

Authenticity for me is:

• Being true to yourself;
• Thinking inwardly, looking outwardly;
• Treating others with respect and kindness;
• Living in the moment;
• Listening with an open mind.

What do Soulful Leaders look like?

Soulful Leaders shine! These are the leaders whose presence and energy is felt, even when they aren’t in the room with you. They not only have a compelling and values-driven mission, they have an abundance of self awareness and the power to nourish themselves, and others, to be the best that they can be.

Soulful Leaders have the ability to harness their own wisdom and internal resources, including their emotional and spiritual intelligence, to navigate challenging contexts without losing themselves, their values and their authenticity in the process. Soulful Leaders know not only the power of being vulnerable, but they have the experience and the emotional intelligence to know when, and with who to be vulnerable with. A Soulful Leader, therefore, has a values aligned network around them, they are not an island.

What do Soulful Leaders do?

Soulful Leaders have a captivating leadership presence; their behaviour and actions support their own belief systems and values. They aren’t afraid to fight for what’s right, consistently evaluating their motives to ensure they align with their ethical code. They trust their inner compass. Soulful Leaders are at peace with the decisions they make because they are creative decision makers who carve out time to reflect on their experiences, evaluating them robustly so that they are always moving their teams forwards. They rest their heads on their pillows at night knowing they did their best and that what they did was right, not what was easy or expected. They have learned not to be afraid of change, because they know that change leads to new beginnings. You’ll find Soulful Leaders doing the inner work; reflecting, being intentional about their own wellbeing and eliminating distractions and negativity so that they can nourish themselves and nurture their teams and communities too.

What has been your experience of Soulful Leadership?

I strived to be a Soulful Leader in my role as a Headteacher and now as a network leader and coach. Integrity, self awareness, connection and authenticity are the core values underpinning my ethical leadership and soul mission. Part of my journey has been to work on my own Ikigai; my core purpose. This beautiful journey began after transitioning from Headship and into freelance coaching and consultancy in 2020. I continue to work on my ‘raison d’etre’, by recognising what it is that I am good at, what brings me joy, and what my community and clients need. After all, leadership is about taking people on a journey to a better place. This is no mean feat when you work in a particularly tumultuous and challenging system like the UK education system. There have been many times when I’ve felt my own values have been challenged or compromised, but being a soulful leader, I am deeply ambitious about being able to bring my authentic self to the table; my whole self with all the courage and vulnerability I can harness! With that comes the gracious ability to admit when things haven’t worked out or when I was out-right wrong! In essence, I believe Soulful Leadership is about developing our inner authority as a leader through raising awareness levels of ourselves holistically, and in others.

How relevant is it to be a Soulful leader today?

Entirely relevant and completely essential! The education sector in particular needs leaders, not managers, who can unify a community and lead with integrity, without becoming compliant and disconnected. Teams and communities thrive when there is harmony, and Soulful Leaders strive to provide the conditions where everyone, including themselves, can thrive and belong. As leaders, we have a responsibility to consider the social, emotional and environmental impact of our leadership on others and our environment. Soulful Leaders do this organically because of their strong moral compass and ethical values.

The Woman in the Arena

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong woman stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the woman who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends herself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if she fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that her place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Nancy LeTourneau, modifying Men in the Arena, Theodore Roosevelt

Soulful leadership is when we lead with authenticity and awareness. It is purposeful and it is conscious. We lead with integrity, from our values. Leading from the soul requires heightened levels of awareness of self and of others.

Leading from our soul, leading from within. Our soul seeks to connect with our purpose, to enable us to be in service. We connect with our Ikigai to find alignment with what we value, who we value and how we add value.

Soulful leadership is when we develop and balance our resilient leadership skills with our soul purpose as an authentic leader. We have clarity of our own vision, mission and values, empowering us to lead authentically.

We have a deep understanding of ‘what we do’ as well as ‘who we really are’ as a leader. We are at peace with the decisions we make, we have clarity of direction on how we want our team to move forwards and we own our unique leadership style. We show up as values-based leaders, embracing the courage to reveal our vulnerability in order to lead with purpose.

Leading with head, heart and soul engaged enables us to lead with confidence and conviction. A soulful leader fosters the development of the culture, and the development of others, to create an environment where people can thrive and be the best version of themselves as leaders. Soulful leaders show that there is another way, they give permission to others to break the mould.

When we lead with soul, we are thoughtful, we listen, we nurture others and we model there is a different way to lead. By leading with authenticity, integrity and empathy we strengthen our relationships with others and deepen our resonance with our core purpose. Our Ikigai is aligned and activated, we are thus able to create legacy.

Leading from our soul is an awakening and a reimagining of traditional leadership as we show that leading with empathy, compassion and ethical values can improve the wellbeing and productivity of our team.

Some of the tools that help us connect with our soulful leader within include:

• a journal to deepen our reflective practice
• a revisiting on our values to tap into our moral compass
• a focus on our Ikigai to get clear on our purpose
• a mantra to guide us through different leadership decisions
• a gratitude practice to affirm our progress
• a coaching relationship to challenge us on our limiting beliefs

Leaders Can be Both Compassionate and Strong

One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.

Jacinda Ardern

Originally published June 3 2018

As we opened our new secondary school in September 2017, we made some philosophical and some ideological decisions which we do not consider to be bold, innovative and radical, but common sense. To others it seems we are quite extreme.

No homework. No setting. No detentions. No shouting. No bells. No packed lunches.

We made a list of our non-negotiables and have stuck to them.

As a values-led school with a team who are committed to nurturing hearts and minds through an inclusive, holistic approach to education we have focused a lot on creating our culture and ethos right.

Our 12 core values shape our inner curriculum, our global citizenship and our approaches to rewards, sanctions and assemblies. Our values are developing into an ethical vocabulary for our community.

Like at most schools, at the end of each assembly we have a reflection. I wrote our Homily to bring together our values into a tangible commitment to ourselves and our community:

“We strive for excellence by embodying the Aureus community values. We respect one another, ourselves and our environment. We strive to treat everyone equally. We champion diverse voices and different ideas. We are kind and we show empathy for others. We are courageous in the face of adversity. We show resilience when it is needed. We reflect on our wellbeing so that we may all be healthy and happy. We act with integrity; our actions are our values. Our hearts are full of love, for ourselves, for each other and for life. We act responsibly at all times. We encourage each other to be 10% braver and build our confidence. We live our values, every day”.

Our students speak articulately and confidently about what our values mean and how we should live them. Our students and our staff strive to embody our values in our decisions, our actions and our behaviours. We do not always all get it right, but our rewards and our sanctions speak to the value shown or contravened so that real learning takes places.

In the last few days our values of courage, resilience and integrity have been tested. But most of this has been directed at me as the figurehead of the school. I have received a lot of adversity, both professionally and personally. My resilience has really been tested as my eyes have bled reading the personal attacks. Despite this, my integrity remains intact. I have not cried, I have not sworn, I have not lashed back at the vilification of my character, at the body shaming nor the hashtag to have me sacked.

My roots are working really hard to hold me upright, I am bending but I am not breaking.

It has clearly been a quiet week at the newsdesk of our National Tabloid Press that they have felt compelled to run a piece about us in every outlet. Is this really ‘hot news’ when our policy has been in place for 9 months? One anonymous parent has created quite a stir.

I have been called a “Dictator” for being an assertive lead with a clear vision. I have been called “Draconian” for not budging on our expectations. I have been called a”lefty sandal wearer”, which would be more accurate if it was changed to “liberal pump wearer” but perhaps would not be as catchy. I have been called “fat” and my “bingo wings” have been commented on – for the record I started Couch to 5k 6 weeks ago to get in shape, and have lost a few pounds, but this will spur me on to run harder and faster.

To counter the hashtag and calls to have me sacked, surely a catchy future Headline for the Mail, the Mirror, the Star, the Express, the Metro to run could be:

• Headteacher sacked for serving water.
• Headteacher Dismissed for banning packed lunches.
• Headteacher removed for insisting on family dining.

How ridiculous would that be? The masses are calling for a Headteacher to be sacked because a school has principles around their food education.

It is not that I do not have feelings, that I am not taking it personally, that words do not hurt me. It is not that I am not taking this seriously, because I am, but I will not allow the loud shouty voices nor the hateful insults sink in. My values are my shield.

Moreover, I have spent every day of the last 15 years investigating, challenging and sanctioning prejudice. I have spent considerable hours challenging bullying, on and offline.

We wonder why our children in our schools need this input from their teachers, until we see how adults act online. In the words of one of my supporters who messaged me they are “vicious vultures”.

The 1000s of comments about us, about me, are mainly very misinformed. They are hateful. They have twisted what we are doing and why we are doing it.

If you are interested in finding out more about our Food Education you can read my article in TeachWire. There is also an article in their catalogue about our pledge to truly lean into Diversity. Moreover, our website is informative and transparent about everything we stand for. If you read our Google reviews we are complimented regularly on our inclusive culture and ethos, on our happy students, on our delicious family dining experience. If you are going to point your finger and blame or judge, please do it from an informed place.

We have an expression in the #WomenEd Steering Group to starve the trolls of their oxygen. This is what I have been doing the last few days. I have held my head up high, I have shielded myself with my values. I have drawn strength from the positive and supportive messages I have received from our school’s parents, from my friends and family. I have not been drawn in. I have kept my emotions in check. I have sat on my hands and I have bitten my tongue. We learnt the hard way when #WomenEd started, that it is more powerful to say nothing. The silence is more infuriating for the aggressors than responding to their angry, loud, noisy monologues.

The article that went live a few days ago stems from one parent who complained. I am going to emphasise that one discontented parent has created this storm in a teacup. See the original post in the Oxford Mail.

We have met with a few of our parents this year who were not fully behind our vision. We are a start up school and it is a difficult journey to align the parents and the staff when the school is being built, ideas are forming and plans are evolving in parallel to the admissions and transition process. We have worked hard to work with our parents and carers. We have made who we are very explicit to our prospective parents – all 850 of them who came to our open event for 240 student places.

With our food education policy, we have worked with our community to get them to buy into our vision and commitment. We have listened to our parents and to our children, we have responded and our catering offer has evolved. We have invited our parents in to experience it first hand for themselves.

The majority of our parents are very happy with our offer and understand how important our family dining is to our culture and ethos.

This parent did not get the response they wanted, they started a conversation on Facebook, they went to our Governors and they went to our MP. At each step we have communicated and explained our stance. We introduced sandwich bags as an option as they wanted packed lunches, we have subsidised their lunches for most of the year to work with them.

We appreciate they are frustrated, but do they appreciate the potential damage they have done by going to the press? Do they appreciate the distress they have caused to my team? Do they appreciate the stress they have created for me/us during my well-earned half-term? Do they appreciate the ripple effect this could have on our school community and on our students?

I don’t think they realised when they went to the Oxford Mail that it would go viral. I don’t think they intended to make me/us a Headline in every National tabloid. I don’t think they meant to make me the victim of online abuse for the last 72 hours. I don’t think they meant to incite racist, islamophobic, xenophobic, sexist, misogynist and bigotted or to put me at the centre of this storm.

I have blocked at least 50 twitter trolls who have been hateful to me online. I have tried not to read the thousands of abusive comments from facebook trolls and keyboard warriors, what I have done is reflected about the bigger picture:

• Most of the comments and criticisms are not from our school community.
• Most of the comments and criticisms are not about education and do not mention children.

I care about our school. I care about our children. If this had happened to one of our community, staff, student or parent alike I would support and protect them. I hope the parent who started this, who was not prepared to put their name to it, has also reflected. As if this happened to their child, our student, we would do our utmost to support and protect them, to keep them emotionally safe, because that is what a values-led school does.

So until this storm passes, my anchor is in. These quotes have never been more pertinent than they are right now:

Ships were not built to stay in the harbour.

Rough seas make the best sailor.

And on a #WomenEd note, I do wonder if the tabloid readership would have been as hateful had I been born a man? In a time when we have a teacher recruitment and retention crisis, and not enough people willing to step up to be a Headteacher online hate campaigns like this do not help!

This educational leader is converting criticism to praise, is going high instead of low and will continue to rise above the hate. The haters will make me stronger and even more committed to what I believe in.

Hannah, The Hopeful Headteacher

Currently feeling hopeful about:

• Our young people – they are becoming the Values Ambassadors to shape our future society.

Currently reading and thinking about:

• The 100s of DMs, emails, tweets and texts of support and love I have received from my PLN.

Currently feeling grateful for:

• Having a brilliant staff team who are unshaken by this storm.
• The love from my PLN – each message has helped.
• The kindness of strangers – some people have reached out to me who I do not even know.
• The following words of wisdom sent to me to keep me resilient and strong!

From Summer Turner:

When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high.
– First Lady Michelle Obama

From Carol Campbell:

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.
– Aristotle

From Ruthie Golding:

First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.
– Mahatma Gandhi

From Claire Cuthbert:

I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I don’t want to be.
– Unknown.

Originally published June 18th 2020

“Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise.”
— Maya Angelou (from “Still I Rise”)

1st June 2019, I woke up bereft and stared out of the patio doors of my new house to my garden. It was the first day of my imposed gardening leave. I had had 6 working days’ notice to process the news and 1 weekend to pull myself together. I had had to coordinate informing two staff bodies, two students bodies and two parent bodies that I had not only resigned but that I was leaving at May half-term. I wasn’t allowed to elaborate at the time that I had actually resigned on April 1st giving extended notice or that I wanted to work my notice to the end of July. I couldn’t address the confusion that I had just bought a brand new house down the road from our two schools and clarify why I was leaving or why it was so sudden. Everyone knew I had uprooted my life and relocated for the promotion.

I had spent the first few days of May half-term looking out on a patch of mud. I felt both helpless and hopeless. The garden was bleak, as was my mood. Luckily, I then disappeared to Wales for a few days with my wing women to emotionally and physically escape, to walk and to talk it all out. We plotted and planned what life on the other side might look like for me. We talked about sound tracks and which songs captured 2019 for us as a lot had happened for each of us and it was only May. The girls suggested Rise Up from Andra Day from her album The Fall for me – the lyrics really resonated with me and it has become a song I go back to. It is a song that lifts me.

And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
– Andra Day

I returned at the end of half-term and the gardeners had been to sort out my patch of earth and transform it into a garden for me. For a week the team had extended my patio, laid my turf, painted my fence and planted some trees for both privacy and shade. My garden looked and felt more peaceful. Planting is a cathartic act, seeds need nurturing, seeds need the right conditions to blossom and bloom, over time.

I went out with my senior team for my leaving team and I drank a lot of gin. I was still feeling numb so I then climbed into my metaphoric cave for a few days to regroup. I didn’t leave the house as I didn’t want to bump into any of our community and have to explain myself nor dodge awkward questions. I knew my teams were 5 minutes down the road working hard to cover me, juggling their own roles and the additional work that my absence had generated.

For the first time in 18 years I didn’t have a sense of purpose. I didn’t have a reason to get up in the morning. My sense of identity had gone. My daily meaning had gone. I had not had enough time to process and prepare for this change, I was not ready to lose all of my structures and routines that kept me going. The irony of it being called gardening leave. I felt like I was being punished. I felt like I was being put on the naughty step for daring to say No.

My parents were worried about me so they came to stay for a few days. We went to the garden centre and bought plants, we planted lavenders and verbena. Flashes of purple began to grow against the grey fence, the silver birch and the fresh greens of the lawn and the foliage. We drank gin, we talked through my options, they offered to lend me some money as all of my savings were invested in the house. A few days later I booked a 2 month trip to South America, via a visit to see my best mate in Vancouver and I went to what felt like the other side of the world in every possible way.

You cannot beat the therapy of being immersed in a different culture. Canada to Peru, through the Amazon jungle, up to the sublime mountain-scape of Macchu Picchu, through the salt flats of Bolivia to the city-scapes of Chile, via the vineyards of Argentina, across the Iguazu Falls to Brazil to arrive at Table Mountain, majestically framing stunning seascapes. Different landscapes, different languages, different people, different views, different sensory experiences: different perspectives.

I didn’t talk about work for 2 months. I thought about it, I reflected on it and I processed my emotions but I was just Hannah, a teacher from Oxford. I guess everyone in the group was seeking some escapism and was either running to or from something. We talked life, we talked dreams, we drank lots of red wine and we laughed.

The sense of freedom was liberating. I felt lighter and free for the first time in a very long time. I consciously shed some of the weight I had been carrying. I metaphorically threw emotional baggage off of the mountain top. Subconsciously in lots of the photos I am standing in the power pose, symbolic of the self-empowering process I was going through perhaps.

My adventure in South America ended, my grieving and healing process were well under way. I then went to San Francisco to visit friends and to Seattle to meet my best mate for a few days again before flying home. My 40th year was not going to be marred by how I was treated, I had created positive memories and found many silver linings to focus on.

1st September 2019 and I started a new role as a course leader at a university. Long story short it was not the right role, nor the right context for me. I realised quickly that I had been on the rebound when I had applied and secured it. Much like coming out of a difficult relationship and dating the wrong person, I had rebounded to the wrong thing. However, there were lots of highlights in this role including meeting some lovely new friends, travelling to the Netherlands for work, starting my MA and working with some fantastic trainees and mentors.

Leaving a school context after 18 years needed a process of calibration, an opportunity to decompress and this new working routine enabled that. For the first time in my adult life I worked 9am-5pm and had a lunch break every day, and I went to the toilet when I needed to pee! I established new boundaries and did not work in the evenings nor on the weekends. I didn’t know myself, as teaching had crept into what should have been my personal time over the years. I found new space, new time and new energy.

1st June 2020, 12 months on to the day. My website launched as I reached 1 month into working independently, for myself, on my terms. The only person who can compromise my mission, my vision and my values now is me. I am enjoying the independence, the autonomy and the freedom this new of working affords me.

I have shared my journey at safe events and in safe spaces over the last 12 months to empower other school leaders. Leaving roles, leaving teams and leaving schools under a cloud means you do not get closure, you are not able to say a proper goodbye. You leave carrying shame, with a heavy heart and a shadow over you. You feel guilty, dirty, chewed up and spat out.

I hope that by sharing my story I can reassure you that it will be okay, you will rise again, like a phoenix. And when you need a reminder – listen to the song or read my favourite poem by the writer who inspired me to become an English teacher and inspired me to write.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
– Still I Rise, Maya Angelou

You will recover. You will rise again.

It has been said by friends in the past that my spirit animal should be a phoenix.

In Ancient Greek folklore, a phoenix is a long-lived bird that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again.

Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor.

I definitely feel like I have been reborn. That I have risen up from the ashes.

This is me rising strong. Stronger than before. If that intimidates you, then let it, that says more about you than it does about me. If you want to complain to my boss, again, then do it – it’s me these days!

I am taking control back for my narrative. It is my story to tell and share, not yours. We either own our stories or they own us:

When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.
– Brene Brown

Originally published March 24th 2020

“Psychological resilience is the ability to mentally or emotionally cope with a crisis or to return to pre-crisis status quickly. Resilience exists when the person uses “mental processes and behaviors in promoting personal assets and protecting self from the potential negative effects of stressors”.

Resilience. It has become such a buzz word in schools and in society over the last few years. All of our thinking, reading and training about it will now serve us well.

There are loads of inspiring quotes out there about why we should be more resilient, but it is at times like these when our resilience is really tested.

A lot of the resilience quotes are about boats navigating turbulence and adjusting our sails. Remote working, social distancing and isolation are those adjustments we are making for our survival. We are not a lone ship on a sea, we are a fleet. We are in this together. We just need to put our anchors in for a while and sit tight, weather the storm. Blue skies and calm seas are on the horizon.

Another extended metaphor which we see for resilience, is that of a tree. The roots holding it in the ground. Our roots are our values, our families, our communities. We are bending, not breaking right now. Although the wind is so strong and the storm is so vicious that we are bending so far it feels like we are about to break, physically, emotionally and socially.

“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

We may be falling down, but we will get up. We may fall again, but we will keep getting up. We are stronger than we think and more powerful than we know. We will not allow this invisible predator to hunt us down. Together we will beat it.

We may be facing a myriad of adversities, but it is our reaction to these adversities which will determine our next chapter. For me resilience is about creating order out of chaos, it is creating calm in a storm. We need our safe havens to retreat to.

Accepting our new reality, considering our new normal is difficult. Some things will be irrevocably changed over the coming days, weeks, months. Some of these changes will be welcomed, some will be fought against. But those changes will come whether we like them and accept them or not:

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”
― Elizabeth Edwards

So what is in your resilience store? What are the difficult and traumatic experiences that you already overcame? What are the resources you need to draw down on right now?

Self-care is of vital importance right now. When you are doing your home schedules for remote working, home learning, domestic duties and down time, make sure you are putting in ‘me time’. Whether it is a cup of tea and some silence in the garden, a book or a bath, build in those opportunities to stop, rest and recharge.

Consider what you can do to still your brain and calm your nerves. Focus your attention on what is in your control rather than what is out of your control. One thing we can control is our media consumption. I am watching the news and the Governmental updates, once a day, otherwise I am protecting myself. The social media hysteria will not help. Curating your communication sphere carefully is self-preservation. Turning notifications is not selfish, we need to establish new boundaries in our new world.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou

Leadership presence is made up of several facets. Presence is the ability to take command of a room, assume a leadership role amongst various audiences, share our thinking and opinion with confidence, and strike a balance between talking and listening such that our communication style is both persuasive and impactful.

Leadership presence is a perception that is deeply rooted in organisational and cultural biases:

• Perceived confidence through words
• Perceived confidence through body language
• Ability to ask clear, meaningful questions
• Ability to craft and defend a clear point of view
• Being able to hold steady and participate effectively in debate
• Being able to stand one’s ground
• Expressed passion
• Asking questions at the right “level”

A leader with impressive presence is accomplished at:

• Adapting to an audience’s energy level, cadence, and needs. For example, for a less engaged group, we as leaders need to be able to rev up the energy, talk more than listen, and lead the conversation; whereas a more engaged, energised group requires more observation and facilitation.
• Having a certain level of situational awareness and be able to read the room quickly.
• Tracking with the conversation to determine the right approach toward influence. This requires thinking quickly on our feet, and reading both verbal and nonverbal cues.

Leadership presence is rooted in our basic values – and the “inner work” of knowing our strengths, weaknesses, talents and biases is crucial to aligning people’s impression of us with our best authentic self.

I am currently training with Resilient Leaders Elements to be a consultant coach. The coaching programme, platform and resources are based on 15 years worth of practice-led research from leaders across the world in different sectors. It is distilled down into 4 Elements, and each element is informed by 3 facets.

Leadership Presence is defined by RLE as:

“Being true to yourself, your values and your ethical code, being in service to others and bringing a focus and a bias for achievement to your organisation and to others around you.”

The impact of this element on us as leaders:

“You have presence even when you’re not in the room. The best person takes the lead and is fully supported by all around them, leading to greater effectiveness and better results. People know each other well enough to anticipate other’s actions and to act accordingly.”

As leaders we need to have presence and be aware of our presence. Our presence is shaped by how we show up, how we connect and how we commit:

• Authenticity: demonstrating integrity and conviction, operating to your values and your ethics, being true to yourself.
• Serving: the needs of others are the priority; you are committed to the development of people.
• Intentional: remaining focused on the purpose of the organisation, to be positive and appreciative rather than criticising; having personal energy and a bias for achievement.

Leadership presence can also be referred to as gravitas. I am often asked by people who I coach to help them build their gravitas.

Gravitas is a quality that a leader exudes because she chooses to say and do only what is important. Others grant her respect and pay particular attention to what she says and does because she knows that she adds weight or value to any situation in which she speaks.

Gravitas is confidence and expertise. It gives weight to our thoughts, words and actions, causing others to gravitate towards us. It is knowing our stuff, which gives us a credible, influential voice. To develop it, we first need to give value to ourselves, our thoughts and knowledge. We then need to become a subject matter expert in our area and show that we are able to answer any question thrown at us in a calm and collected way.

“I gravitate towards gravitas”.
Morgan Freeman

There is a lot of advice out there about how we as leaders can develop our presence and expand our gravitas. I have summarised some of the articles I have read below.
Firstly, we need to establish our leadership presence – here are 10 tips to consider (especially useful if you are new to leadership, new to role or new to an organisation):

1. Show up as a whole person
2. Lead with what we care about
3. Begin a conversation that others want to continue
4. Focus through your body
5. Cultivate sustainable curiosity
6. Start by standing still
7. Find the story in everything
8. Hold something back
9. Investigate your impact
10. Build our “muscle memory”

If you are established as a leader but want to improve your presence then consider these tips to further enhance how you are seen:

1. Boost your self-confidence and manage your self-doubt. To boost your confidence, adjust your physical posture so you are standing up straight – channel Amy Cuddy’s Power Pose.
2. Remind yourself: “What’s on their face is not about me.” Confident leaders maintain their composure at all times – staying calm is key to improving your leadership presence.
3. Stay credible. Credibility revolves around body language and communication. However, certain words — like “because” — automatically increase one’s credibility as it adds weight to what you are saying.
4. Invest in social capital. Your connections with others and your social relationships add value. Connect in a more powerful way with others – instead of focusing on how you can promote yourself, think about how you can help them.
5. Send two sets of body language signals. Showing confident body language will highlight your power and status, while open body language accentuates warmth and inclusiveness. By sending a perfect mixture of both, you will improve your leadership presence.

If you do not yet have the leadership presence you want, keep working through these 12 elements until you have discovered the influence that belongs to you and they have become positive habits.

1. Develop your character: Your character should never be silent. It needs to have a voice that reflects your heart and soul. When you lead with character, you give the essence of your identity.
2. Mind your attitude: Your attitude as a leader influences those around you, whether it is negative or positive. It will be felt by those around you more quickly than your actions. A great leadership presence is practised not so much in words as in attitudes and in actions.
3. Everything you wear has an expression: How you look and how you dress are important. Appearances make the first impression, so make sure your outward appearance reflects who you are inwardly – represent yourself authentically and appropriately.
4. Respect is the presence of everything: Great leaders build presence by practising respect in three ways: respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for actions. Without respect and responsibility true leadership presence is impossible.
5. Master competency: Great leaders do not tell people what they know but show others how it is done. You have to be proficient in your field and an expert with your skills to have a presence in your leadership.
6. Cultivate communication: You need the skills to inform others, engage with others, and advise others in a clear and concise way that can be implemented and followed. The art of communication is the language of leadership.
7. Pay attention, your body is speaking: People may not always tell you how they feel, but they will always show you what they are thinking—you just have to pay attention to their presence. Body language sends clear message, even when people are not speaking. Make sure your own body language is consistent with what you say; do not contradict yourself.
8. Emotional intelligence: Intelligence is important, but emotional intelligence matters more. It gives you the ability to understand yourself and others, a critical component of creating presence.
9. Accountability is your responsibility: To have presence is to accept responsibility for your actions and be accountable for your results. Without accountability there is no presence in leadership. Hold yourself to account and be responsible for everything you say and do, moreover for the impact it has on others.
10. Motivation comes from within: A true leadership presence motivates and inspires others – to share a vision, to take initiative, to work towards a common purpose, to work together to accomplish tasks and to achieve goals. Be close enough to relate but be far enough to keep people moving forward.
11. Integrity is always the purpose: Some people think leadership is all about power, but actually it is all about having integrity. Having integrity means choosing your thoughts and actions based on your values and not on your personal gain.
12. Reputation builds perception: When you have a leadership presence, it becomes a central part of your reputation. When your reputation is built on your character, it is who you really are that defines how others see you.

Presence is much more than just being there, it is about adding value and making a difference for yourself and those around you. Leadership presence is seen externally but needs working on internally. Leading from within, leading ourselves stems from having a strong core.

Imagine your gravitas as an internal light bulb, the more confident, the more energy and the more authentic you become, the brighter that light shines. This light then emits from your body, through everything you say and do to create a powerful presence.

We thus need to focus on the inner work, before we can focus on the outer work. Through coaching and training you can break down and flex each of the individual components that together create a powerful whole. Hold on to your power and do not give it away. Fill the space – both physically and vocally, do not shrink and hide. Communicate confidently – reframe apologetic language, do not diminish yourself and avoid self-deprecation.

Be authentic. Be in service. Be intentional.